To the married couples and those who have a desire to one day be married; here’s what I’ve been gleaning over the years by observing and being around healthy married couples and also receiving teachings on the topic at my church.
As a bachelorette, I lack the experiences of the married-all things joy, heartaches and beyond. But, I’m holding onto nuggets of wisdom and looking forward to carrying them into my future. Love as we know, is a commitment; a vow you make before God to love the person in front of you no matter the uglies you see inside that person. The vows and oath you partake in on your wedding day is not just a day of celebration of two people as one, but guests are also participating as witnesses in the marital covenant that is being established, and responsible for seeing that the couple is held accountable to carry through with their responsibilities and commitment in marriage. It’s easier said than done. At the end of the day, we’re all broken, selfish, and in need of grace.
Hopefully this post below will help you reevaluate your heart and recommit to loving your spouse/loved one.
Your relationship and intimacy with God will reflect the way you see and treat your spouse.
A spirit-filled spouse = God-saturated relationship with one another. Two spirit-filled spouses will work towards similar goals in extending grace and forgiveness daily. No one is perfect; we’re either judgmental and quick to point fingers at the other, not aware of our own sin patterns or habits, or self-righteous and focus on others’ flaws. Surrender pride, see what you can do today to make things right. Communicate. Communicating means to listen. The art of listening is presence and eye contact, listening with your ears, not your mouth.
Love holds no records of wrongs.
It’s a constant act of outdoing one another in love from reverence to God. Because we’re human, it’s when we magnify who Jesus is in our life and relationship with one another that we are able to love through the inexhaustible source given to us through the Holy Spirit. It’s so easy to hold grudges and keep tallies of who did what. Doing that will only lead to performance and striving in marriage and bitterness. Bitterness is toxic..it’s like drinking poison, it spreads. Do you have it in you to forgive?
Where do you put your faith and trust in? Your spouse or God? Your spouse can’t fulfill or meet your needs. There will be many days your spouse will disappoint you. People fail us. Remembering to setting your eyes on God first will secure where your true joy and fulfillment comes from, and from that, He will show you the patience, kindness, forgiveness, and self-control that you need. From the overflow of the love you feel from God comes an extension of the renewed love for your spouse (or dating partner).
Thrive in marriage with friendship.
Friendship in a marriage = a pillar to a strong and healthy marriage. Continue to explore and find things you enjoy doing together or teaching each other new things. Even in the mundane, do you enjoy each others’ companies? Find opportunities to be creative.
Your ability to forgive your spouse or people in your life reveals how connected you are to God’s forgiveness in your own life.
Marriage reveals the gospel: it sanctifies us; teaches us to depend on the works of the Holy Spirit for reconciliation, to show acts of kindness and grace when not deserving. It’s uncomfortable, it’s painful. Dying to yourself will bring you to a place of surrendering offenses and putting the other first. We’re able to love better and well when we go to the source that renews our soul.
Marriage is tough…so I hear.
But comes many joys, laughters, and companionship that come with it. For abusive and unsafe relationships, seek counseling and reach out to family and trusted souls. It may be safer to be removed in such conditions depending on the circumstances.
Pray for your spouse. Pray with your spouse.
I wasn’t planning on writing all of this; my purpose for this post was to share about a new artist I discovered and recent music release, hahaha. So uhm, finally, here it is!Deraj (Jared Taylor Wells) and his new song, Hold You Down.
“We all need someone there for us during the ups and downs of life.” Deraj on his dedication to his wife through this song, reminding couples to stay committed through the ups and downs. -Deraj
More Deraj here.
For more wisdom + hear what scripture says about marriage, check out the following podcasts below from a three-part marriage sermon series from my church:
Here’s a great book on wisdom and marriage by Tim Keller. Remember, love conquers all things. Love is humility. Love knows how to say thank you’s and show appreciation. Love knows how to listen, to communicate. Learning to respond, not reacting. Marriages will transform and reconciliation will come when two extend the gospel towards one another. Love knows how to put the other first. Love is intentional. Love is healing.
Love looks like something.
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