I’ve been trying to start a habit of writing music a little each day again. What used to be as easy as breathing air in turning the on button switch for playing and writing music everyday has become nonexistent. Words and melodic riffs that used to dance over my head 24/7 have been silent and dormant for years. I no longer heard words, no longer heard melodies hovering over my ears. Working full-time and having other priorities have made it difficult to find the space and time for what’s always felt special and dear to my soul.
These days, I feel a renewal. A release and permission to start again. More confident…not for the approval or attention of man, but to fully immerse in what I was once passionate about, to deliver my words, my music as a gift, beautifully packaged in the form of melodic waves and hope for someone out there. Someone who needs encouragement, stories and pictures to hold onto.
With renewal, the resurrection of words and melodies have been playfully tickling my ears again. I’ve been dreaming again, casting vision. A part of me has been feeling alive again.
Ah! I said it. Now there’s no cover up of this journey and process of going forward in doing what makes me fully come alive.
I can give authority to the voice of fear and come up with many excuses to back myself out of it. I can also give into the lie that I am not equipped or gifted, and that no one will like my music.
Or I can shield myself with God’s purpose and truth over myself and that I have permission to go for it. I will always have the audience of the One who has purposed and deposited the gift for music in me.
In this season of my life where I feel the grace to get into the flow of writing again, it’s honestly felt rusty, like trying to jumpstart an old car that’s been stored away in a junkyard for over a decade. But God’s been graciously highlighting a theme, images, words. Direction for the music. No more swaying back and forth with what style of music I want to write in (I do want to do all!! Hip hop/Rap for sure one day; I have too may things I want to speak out! Heh.)
I’m grateful to be where I am now in the raw stages of starting fresh. I can’t complain. Embracing the slow process but catching the drops of melodies and words God’s been dropping into my palm; asking God what he wants my music to deposit into the ears of listeners.
To create, it requires courage. If there’s something you love you’ve put on hold or you’ve put to death because of past failures or trauma, etc, process. Bring it into the light. Sometimes, our greatest fear in doing what we love is actually what we’ve been purposed to do. Embrace failure and walk away from it having gained something better for your next efforts.
Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen. -Robert Bresson (French film director).
Someone out there believes in your potential.
**As I began to start this post, I felt an urge to go back into old college jams; my favorite, Deas Vail (Latin + French = humble servant of God). Their first album is my absolute favorite.
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